Maria Hanson shared her post.
"I've done my best all for Mama
Ave Maria
But still it seems so very small
For all she did for me"
Ave Maria
But still it seems so very small
For all she did for me"
Another year, another time to sit down and really think about my mom, my mothering, and motherhood in general. It almost renders me speechless. My mother, my hero, who endured so much in her lifetime here on earth. Her family going through the impossible to make life for themselves in the United States and how they did it for the future generations of this family. Thinking of that, and I am in awe. I am amazed. The women in my family amaze me, with their courage, faith and pride. It is everything I aspire to be not just as a mother, but a woman in general. And I can't help but think (or perhaps, just hope) that maybe, just maybe, my mother questioned her parenting like I sometimes do. Like I'm sure we all do. And if she were here, I'm sure she would offer some amazing insight to the key to being a mother. But I probably wouldn't have listened anyway because, well, that's how our relationship was.
Growing up, all the time, in the heat of yet another argument, my mother would generally finish with a, "And I hope one day you grow up and have a daughter that's just. Like. You." and I would scoff and think, well, I'm awesome so yay for me.
Then, over the course of my mother's last week alive, I had the amazing pleasure of talking with my aunt who informed me that my grandmother had said the same to my mother. (Insert "mind blown" expression here). And it started to make sense. But just a little.
Flash forward to 2010 and becoming a mother to Teresa. My amazing daughter who keeps me on my toes because she will LITERALLY point out flaws in my parenting logic. And with every stomp of her foot and crossed arms and huff and puff she expresses I think, well, this is it. This is the daughter that is just. Like. Me. Well, played, Mom.
But no, she couldn't stop there. Enter Lena. The adorable, funny and almost too-smart-for-her-own-good almost 21 month old who is just now showing that she is hell on wheels and just as passionate and twice as stubborn as her older sister.
I didn't get a daughter that's just. Like. Me. I got two. TWO daughters that are just. Like. Me! It exhausts me. It give me premature grey hairs (I'm not even 30 yet!!) It keeps me on my toes and makes me dig deep DEEP into my parenting bag of tricks and be on my A-game all the time. And I couldn't ask for a better life. I am blessed. My daughters show me how my mother continues to live in us. The loud Italian women in this family make my heart warm. And it continues with Teresa and Lena. And I certainly know that 12 or so years from now, in the midst of a mother-daughter battle over clothes, boys and life, that I will certainly express to my girls that one day I hope they have a daughter that is just. Like. Them.
Happy Mother's Day Mom. I miss you every day. And for all that is good, I've learned my lesson, please stop ensuring my children are just like me.
"I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself I became someone else"
'Cause when you showed me myself I became someone else"
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This is our 7th Mother's Day without Mom here. It feels like forever ago that we were scrambling in the kitchen attempting to make breakfast for her with our hand-written Mother's Day cards and self-made "coupons" for cleaning, listening, etc. And then of course, as the years went on, we attempted to re-create those cards by writing them with our left hands in an attempt to capture our child-like spirit with stick figures of us with Mom wishing her the best on this day.
I've said it before and I will say it again. Mom taught me everything about being a mother. And with her saying, "I hope you have a daughter that's just like you." I look at Teresa and feel blessed (and....a little cursed wink emoticon ) to be on that rewarding path. And am fully prepared to make the same statement to her during the tough teenage years. But until then I watch as Teresa is being the best big sister ever to Lena. And when I look at Lena , I feel a sense of pride . Lena already pouring out so much love for her family. And you know that to her, like my mother taught, that family is everything.
And I look forward to teaching my girls how to make Mom's sauce. And I'll be sure to tell them that even though my mother prepped the mozzarella for her stuffed shells by cutting them with a knife, it was entirely because she didn't have a cheese grater so it was perfectly acceptable to use one. Instead of being like me for the first 5 years or so of my marriage making the same dish the same way because, well, that was how Mom did it.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom. heart emoticon
