Today doesn't mark any anniversary from my journey. It doesn't signify any annual remembrance of 2007. Valentine's Day in this aspect is not the focus or the memory here. This is just life on a random day.
I have many days like this. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just, life. It seems, however, when left most vulnerable and taking life in, it is then when snippets of 2007 come creeping back to me. It is nothing like a movie, where there is a beginning, middle and end. That seemed to only happen as it was happening.
So many intricate details of that time. Big events, that were monumental. And the smallest of occurrences that seem to not mean much at the time. They all come back in short clips in my mind....and generally out of order. There is no rhyme or reason why I find myself thinking of certain things on any given day, but it happens. Perhaps a smell sends me back, a look, a joke, or even an object. Like this blanket seen below that Teresa and Lena are sitting on in our back yard.
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| The love between two sisters. |
I was still attending ASU when I was losing Aryn and my mother got sick. I was so close to graduation I could almost taste it. Unfortunately, I would take another 3 years to get myself back into school to complete my degree. But in that time, I still associated with college friends, professors, old high school friends, and of course my family and work life. I was surrounded by so many people.
It happened, like all of these events, so fast. One minute I was basking in the glow of pregnancy, making my way from class to work. the next I was informed that Aryn had passed away. It took an entire weekend for the hospital to be open for my induction. But since that Friday, November 2, I was done at ASU. I stopped going to class and had to withdraw as I could not physically, emotionally continue. Only a few knew of Aryn's fate just prior to my leaving ASU.
As the story goes, Monday I went to the hospital and Wednesday Aryn was born. My mother would be admitted to the ICU that Monday after.
It was in no particular day while my mother was still in the ICU that I walked to my mailbox to check my mail. Not necessarily an important task, but an opportunity for me to walk with myself and pause my life.
I received 2 items in the mail that day. The first was a packet full of hand-written letters from many o my classmates in the dance program at ASU. Words of condolences, prayers, and inspirational uplifting reminders. I began to sob. This was so very thoughtful from people who hardly knew me...or knew my mother. I felt strength in each of those letters...each line giving me a push to be brave.
I never got to tell these people how much it meant to me. So I am doing it now. Thank you. I still have all of those letters. Thank you for lifting me up.
The 2nd item I got in the mail was a small package. Soft, and from an out-of-state address that was unknown to me. I showed it to Adam who encouraged me to open it. And I did. Out came a dark, beautifully warm blanket. It had plaid on one side and a picture of 2 angel girls playing on the other side by Dona Gilsinger.
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| Front of blanket with image by Dona Gelsinger |
Inside with the blanket was a typed letter. They expressed their sorrow for the events unfolding in my life and they wanted me to have this blanket.
They wanted me to think of God's love wrapping around me every time I took comfort and warmth with the blanket.
How amazing! This blanket was a gift from a high school friend's in-laws. Certainly people who have never actually met me. But it was such an act of kindness I was moved to tears yet again. It is a staple in my house. Perhaps, if you've ever visited my home, especially in the cold winter, you have seen this blanket draped on my couch. It is a gentle reminder of God's love, the love of people who never even met, and how even almost 10 years later, I carry my memories of 2007...even on my couch.
And so it was on this day that not only is that gentle reminder a part of my every day life, but I smile knowing my daughters are creating their own memories with "Mom's blanket". They are using it to play in the warm sun and share in their laughter and love with each other. And that, was an amazing act of kindness that continues in my home every day.
