Thursday, November 1, 2007

*It was the day before my OB/GYN appointment to check for the heartbeat.  It was a quiet night that afforded me a time to reflect on the inevitable and where I was emotionally at the time.  I wrote and posted this on this day in 2007*

Pregnant Today
Tomorrow will take forever to come
We will see if we continue, or if we are done
I might hear your heart, and I'll sigh with relief
Or I might hear nothing, to which I will grieve
It will be the loudest silence I'll have to endure
I'll ask to listen again, just to be sure
You tickled my belly, I rubbed you so
We knew each other; every high and every low
I close my eyes and think of you
You'll be with God, that is true
I can't understand why it has to be
I can't understand why you can't be with me
Its hard to know that I couldn't protect you
As your mother, I failed to perfect you
I know I'll see you every night in my dreams
Sometimes that won't be good enough, and I'll want to scream
I know some people say its better this way
But what do they know? Its us who has to pay
I'm hours away from knowing our fate
And when that hour comes, my heart will hurt great
Until then I'll rub my belly and pretend you are ok
And enjoy these last moments of being pregnant today